10/3/2011
03 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
This is a rough rundown of the months following my downfall. To make a long story short: I let a complete loser (I mean the worst kind of loser with no job, no home, no upstanding reputation, no citizenship, etc…) walk all over me and completely humiliate me just so I could enjoy the perks of the relationship (Friends&Parties). I let this continue until I no longer had the upper hand. Make no mistake, he IS the one who broke up with me, threw me away like leftovers, but I am the one who had the last laugh. I did a little investigating afterwards and found out about his sleezy little stories. Now, I hold a large amount of disgust for this person and I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire in my living room.
After he dropped me, I hid inside of myself. I worked. I saw my friends and family. But I was merely there because I had to be. My smoking got worse. I was disgusted with men in general. Just the thought of being around one made my stomach turn. But then I started talking to John again. Right before Jorge dismissed me, John had messaged me on FaceBook. He was very blunt about things. He told me I seemed like an interesting person and he wanted to get to know me, and possibly meet so we could see if there was any chemistry between us. Honestly, I avoided him like the plague for the longest time because I didn’t expect anything more than what I got from Jorge. But we started texting and calling each other constantly and I finally worked up the nerve to visit him at his apartment. Shortly after meeting, we announced that we are a couple. Shortly after that, we moved in together. Shortly after that, on this lovely day, I decided to post this blog and update on my life. Here we are, folks.
Now to discuss John Paul Lemons: my caveman. He forgets to take the trash out, keeps me up at night playing on the computer, tracks mud into the apartment, and disagrees with me on the Spanish language, but I find it impossible to be angry with him about anything. We take care of each other. From the beginning, we were instantly comfortable around each other and I could spend the rest of my days in his arms. He may keep me up all night playing with the noisy ass computer, but eventually he lays down and holds me. And he may track mud into the apartment and argues with me about pointless things, but he also tells me I’m beautiful and that he loves me every day. Trust me, after a hard day of work, he’s exactly what I want to come home to. +~+SarahKatlinHumes&JohnPaulLemons+~+
Stringy Things
30 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
Have you ever looked back on your actions and thought, “What the fuck was I thinking?!” Well… Jorge was a HUGE mistake. I always had the feeling that he was temporary and ld run away sooner or later. Isn’t that what most illegal aliens do?! Oh, well. I was using him for a good time. I knew that hanging out with him meant a fun weekend of partying and seeing my friends from BK, so I let him lie to me and ignored a lot of things that I should have kicked his ass for. But Lesson Learned. Trust me. You can only fake love for so long before it comes back to bite you in the ass. I’m not really upset. Just a little humiliated. Because shortly after I cut off all contact with him, he slept with this girl… I obviously am the one having my cake and eating it too. Makes me wonder what the other girls he’s been with look like. You can pretty much take the disgust that I already had for him and multiply it by 50. He doesn’t matter anymore, though. It’s weird how I’ve been in long-term relationships, but none of them left scars like the 6 months of dating Jorge did… I guess that’s because no one ever made me feel like I wasn’t even a person, less than nothing…except him. The sad part is, I let him.
My scars are healing every day because I’m a brand new person, with all the old flair. All of my changes are on the inside. I hold myself at a higher worth now. I expect more of myself,, me,, my star player- the one who looks back at me every morning in the mirror. And I also expect more of the people I surround myself with. Speaking of which, there’s one man I want to surround myself with every day: John <3 <—– Now this guy right here is everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s intelligent, extremely hilarious, stunning, an amazing father, and I have this sense of comfort around him that you can’t find anywhere except in yourself. When I’m around him, I want to skip for no reason. And yes, we are the weirdest couple. ~John&Sarah~
Tuesday- March 8, 2011
08 Mar 2011 1 Comment
This is the now- what’s going on. Life is so much different. It’s amazing how much can change in such a short period of time. But when you’re young everything is stuck on fast forward. For a while I lived in solitude. I never left my house unless it was absolutely necessary and unavoidable. I didn’t want anyone to see me- how sick I was. Needless to say, I didn’t feel normal. But eventually I pulled myself out of the cloud I was living in and I started going to my friend’s houses. I started talking to people again. I caught myself smiling again. But then Jordan came back. I should have known better when he came around that he was going to make me cry. We had a pretty rough relationship for over two years based on tough love… And it ended almost as quickly as it began. When he came back this last time, just as life was starting to get better, he was just getting revenge- and I can’t say I blame him. Isn’t that what everyone wants? To get even? Well… Jordan felt wronged and that time he got the last laugh. I’m just going to let him have it. After that, I thought about burying myself again- hiding… But I knew that wouldn’t do any good. Then I just cut myself off emotionally and did whatever I wanted to do. Everything was about me for a while- I was sick of worrying about everyone else.
Then I met Jorge Ochoa. I’m glad to call this guy my friend. We’ve been together for a week and he’s an awesome guy. The coolest thing about him is… Even if we weren’t a couple, I know I could kick it with this guy. My whole life I’ve been a magnet for squares. Everyone I’ve ever dated has been my polar opposite. But with Jorge, I don’t feel like the bad influence. It’s exciting.
My life is so much better now and I have a word of advice for anyone suffering from social anxiety or living a reclusive lifestyle due to depression- You’re not helping anyone, only hurting yourself. Get out of your house and do something. Anything to just feel better. You won’t regret it. Oh, and drugs help too.
What Is Happening-
25 Jan 2011 Leave a Comment
This is the last semester of my senior year. Jordan and I are over for now and forever. I find myself without many friends. I’m a suicide risk most days and I spend most of my time in a cloud. My grades are great, if that counts for shit. I’m not starting college in the fall like I thought I would because I’ve lost interest in furthering my education. Soon I will be working at Walmart, driving a tiny car, and living in a shitty little apartment alone. This is life. Well, mine anyways. Ya know what sucks about life? everything.
Medication, Please? Massa??
29 Apr 2010 1 Comment
So yea now I’m on medication. Again. Hopefully these pills won’t turn me into a raging bitch from hell like the first ones I tried. Or make me gain weight rapidly like the second ones I tried. But the doctor wrote me this prescription with promises that everything will get better. The attacks should stop, and I should be able to function normally now. But these pills make me sooo sleepy… Is that the key? Is that why the pills will “fix” me? I’ll just be too sleepy to be upset about anything. Wham, Bam, thank you ma’am. Well hopefully everything will work out. Or, better yet, the doctor will up my prescription.
~Bolder, Lifted~
22 Apr 2010 1 Comment
OK>>> So I was SUPER FREAKING OUT because I’m a junior in high school and my senior year is on my heels// I thought that I was waaay behind on EVERYTHING [for some odd reason]. When I went to my school counselor to ask about summer school and making up lost credits, she informed me that I’m NOT behind. In fact, I’m AHEAD. How in the hell did that happen? I have no clue. But I have all of the science, math, fine arts, and history classes that I need to graduate. The only thing that I need to make up is a semester of English 10 that I failed. So next year [my senior year] the only required classes that I have are: a semester of English 10, a semester of speech, and two semesters of English 12. So most of my classes next year will just be fun classes that I choose to take just because I want to. I’m sooooo excited! I feel like someone just pulled off my shoes and let me rest my bare, tired feet on a mink rug. 
!!!!!!!HAPPY 4/20/10 WORDPRESS WORLD!!!!!!!
20 Apr 2010 2 Comments
As I’m sure you all know, today is 4/20! National Smoke Day, Horray! Did anyone buy me a “Happy 4/20 Blunt”?? No. they never do. Of all the unjust things! And this holiday is better than Christmas!! So roll, roll, roll a blunt! Pick out the seeds and stems!! Light it up and take a puff, then pass it to your friend!! *I love you, Mary Jane! You’re my main thing! When I’m feeling low, you make my heart sing!* WOOT WOOT WEED DAY!!
MyBeard
20 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
My beard grows to my toes.
I never wears no clothes.
I wraps my hair around my bare,
and down the road I goes.
DANCE, DANCE, DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY
09 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
I’m having extreme difficulty bottling my excitement for tommorow. This is the day before Prom, and I have a busy day ahead. This will be a day full of hair appointments and decorating. I still need to magically zap some white gloves and a pearl necklace into existance before tomorrow’s Black Tie Affair. : ) But all is well in the world of SARAWR, and I wish the WordPress World a happy April. : )
~THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS~
08 Mar 2010 1 Comment
Your average person spends they’re whole life trying to achieve the ultimate goal of happiness, but never quite reach the level of “happy” that they want. Is anyone ever really genuinely happy? It seems that every time we think of something that will make us happy, after we get it we find something else that’s shinier and makes us lust over it even more than the last item, idea, or belief that we were chasing. I think that we’re all entitled to the “Pursuit Of Happiness“, but never the “Achievement Of Happiness“. (Are you still following me? It’s important that you keep up.) Maybe it’s just our gluttonous nature as Americans that causes us always to crave more than what we have. What’s sad is that even if we looked past the material possesions and focused on love and family, most of us would still be discontent. It’s almost as if no matter how clear the sky is, our brains have been programmed to seek out the smallest whisp of developing clouds. We are an uncomfortable, insecure, materialized, gluttonous, lusty generation. And this is why we are still in the midst of The Pursuit Of Happiness.
I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity. ~Poe
